Butt, Butt

Man, is time flying by or what? Another semester is closed as another looms right around the corner. I love school, which is a complete 180 compared to the past 6 years. At least I have one clear goal and path in my life.

Today I am thankful for recursive relationships. Two steps forward and one step back, but at least we are always taking steps. It's not easy rebuilding a relationship that at one time was so volatile, but the lessons we are learning are priceless. Compromise, forgiveness, understanding, relating, giving, doing. "Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said that it would be so hard." I'm terrified of marriage, I think, which is not what I grew up believing. Thanks Cinderella. Married couples get a look of "well, yeah, sometimes it sucks, but you know, whatever," when asked about how marriage is or when I voice my fears. Singles get the "geez I don't know either" look when asked how we are supposed to feel. Would a ring relieve my anxiety or increase it? I've heard over and over how a woman changes once married and most of what I've heard has been from the mouth of a man. Men. That's why I'm terrified. Movies, songs, everything feeds my fear. "Don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me." Come on, that makes me want to puke. I know a man's sexual nature, I know men think and live in the moment. I'm not afraid of being cheated on, it's the thoughts and desires of men that terrify me. OK, how many times have I used the word "terrified?" Not "scared, nervous, anxious, worried," but "terrified?" I have heard that only God can fill the void that a man cannot. I need to remember that we are only human and cannot satisfy a person completely. I want so badly to satisfy Zach completely, but can that ever be attained? Would happily married men say they are satisfied completely by their wives'? "Wife," why does that hold such negative connotation in my mind? Is it my parents' failed marriage? I really think it is the media and my experience and the term "ball and chain." I want to lift up, not bring down. How do I strengthen my own personality to do so? How do I do it for a person who isn't ready to come back to God? Who may never? Will a marriage work this way? I believe it will, I also believe it will be more difficult to keep my mind focused on God. Lord, please give me the same strength I needed with my friends in displaying my faith. Without exercise, I become spiritually unhealthy and underdeveloped.

One thing we are good at is "getting over it." We are both leaders, which provides for some nice little battles of will. "I'm stronger, no I'm stronger" is what we might as well be saying. It's not easy for him to get past our past but our forgiveness towards each other is unmatched. Our emotions run rampant, good thing we have a big home. Help me be the rock, Lord, which keeps our family spiritually grounded. My son needs an example and I need to be it. I love Zach so unconditionally that sometimes it really blows! His mom even told him she thinks I am the only girl that has ever loved him unconditionally, even his family. She tends to have a sixth sense about everything. Is loving unconditionally an act of God or an act of stupidity? This is the essential question. I love my family, I love that I have a family. Daddy, Mommy, Baby, cath, and a fish. (yes only one fish, R.I.P. Clive.) I love my home with tall ceilings and a white picket fence (life is complete now that I have the white picket fence, right?). I love that I have beautiful pink roses three feet from my kitchen window, and I LOVE that there is a sprinkler system here and I don't pay the water bill. The grass is SO green here on my side of the street.

OK, time for laundry.

Lord, help me get my head out of my rear.

the girl's are back in town!

alright!! today at 6:00 we will be picking up our beloved girlies (zach's daughters- yes 2 of them) and they will be spending the weekend with us! they are ages 11 and 8 and FULL of unrelenting energy, cheers, cartwheels, and comments. i am definately looking forward to having some extra girl hands .. on hand. now i just have to think of a way to make spring cleaning fun, these girls are gonna work! haha. i will bring them with me sunday morning, not sure if we will make it saturday night though. yyaayy! i called the eldest yesterday on her CELL PHONE (what?) to confirm the pick-up time. she was playing some shouting game with her friends when she said "hold on, i'm talking to my step-mom." what? these girls do love me though, for sure, they tell me so each time we talk. i haven't seen them in months and can't wait for you all to meet them. they spent the whole summer of my pregnancy here awhile back - talk about challenging! also - way to make me feel waaaayyy OLD when a 11 year old calls me her step-mom.... their so sweet - yayyy!

It's time again to load up the kiddos and get to Woodward Park for the annual picture-taking extravaganza. These two pictures are about a year apart, what happened to my chubby little cabbage patch kid? Getting him to actually sit was much easier when he didn't know how to walk! We did manage to get a few action shots that turned out nicely. I have intentions of getting these pictures every year and putting them into a nice little book. At least until he's too cool to sit by flowers for mommy! ;)
By the way, did I mention how much I Hate black pepper? How the heck are you supposed to clean it up?! Those dang black specks just may be the death of me...

March Madness

sweet success - elijah's first big boy race car bed! is that too precious or what?


don't dare put a hat on my head, but a bowl - i'll take it!

gotta love that peanut butter! is it possible to become intoxicated?

The Great Google Oracle

1. Heather needs "men...now." (I've got enough, thank you.)
2. Heather needs "two therapists." (Not just one, TWO!)
3. Heather needs "a rest." (Tell me something I don't know.)
4. Heather needs "a childhood." (.....)
5. Heather needs "veggies." (Heather needs to cook the veggies she has!)
6. Heather needs "to stick with her career as a country artist." (I think I've lost my geetar though.)
7. Heather needs "to find the right balance between emotion and logic." (Thanks, Sherlock.)
8. Heather needs "to go to the dolly hospital to get operated on." (So THAT's what the problem is!!)

Logical emotion versus Emotional logic. Interesting? Does this constitute "oxymoron?"

The Great Google Oracle

1. Heather needs "men...now." (I've got enough, thank you.)
2. Heather needs "two therapists." (Not just one, TWO!)
3. Heather needs "a rest." (Tell me something I don't know.)
4. Heather needs "a childhood." (.....)
5. Heather needs "veggies." (Heather needs to cook the veggies she has!)
6. Heather needs "to stick with her career as a country artist." (I think I've lost my geetar though.)
7. Heather needs "to find the right balance between emotion and logic." (Thanks, Sherlock.)
8. Heather needs "to go to the dolly hospital to get operated on." (So THAT's what the problem is!!)

Logical emotion versus Emotional logic. Interesting? Does this constitute "oxymoron?"

Dear Postmaster,

I feel there has been a terrible mistake. I sent away two weeks ago for a Notice of Will and still have not received it. This is an untimely error and I would deeply appreciate it if you could personally look into the matter. I have a lot on my plate, you see, and am expecting God's Notice of Will to help clear things up. I am positive I sent my request to the right place, and He knows my address so I feel the mistake lies in the hands of the Post Office. Thank you in advance for your time and concern in this matter.

Sincerely,
H

me too, me too!

You are a Rose:

You are creative, sensual, passionate, and bold.

You pour your heart into everything that you

do. Alluring and gifted with strong sex

appeal, you very easily draw people in with

your animal magnetism.

Symbolsim: The rose has always been a flower

heavily loaded with symbolism. In general it

symbolizes desire, passion, beauty, and

enchantment.


Which Flower are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

here we go!!!

Young Girl Reaches Zenith in Life-Living Career

OK - how can I contain my excitement? I won't : AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! What could be more significant to me than seeing Fiona Apple in concert? Probably seeing Jesus in concert. But since that won't happen any time in the predictable future I will continue freaking the crap out over going to OKC tonite to see the woman who has sung me through some of the most challenging times in my life. I am going to cry. I am going to freak out. OUT, all the way OUT.

So, because of the unpredictability of life, I hope you will pray for our trip as we drive to OKC this afternoon. Pray there are no traffic problems, no ticket problems, and that Fiona makes it safely and happily. Some other Coldplay band is playing, but no one cares about them. Fiona Apple. If you haven't heard her music, take the time to listen to a track or two - undoubtedly you will find a song that will make you go "oh my gawsh, that's so me."

I love you guys, see you soon.

Yes, we will only be gone about 20 hours - but still.

SEEEE!!!

Here is an excerpt from Kyle's blog, wherein he mentions the scripture we will be looking at this Sunday:

[30] So Philip ran up to it and heard him reading the prophet Isaiah. He asked,"Do you understand what you are reading?" [31] He replied, "How can I, unless someone guides me?" And he invited Philip to get in and sit beside him. Acts8:30-31 (NRSV)

OK - didn't I just blog about God sitting on my bed everyday to guide me. Know I know I'm being a little vain, and that the sermon goes much further into the whole guidance thing. But C'MON, how weird is that?!

In the never-ending quest to conquer the kitchen, I bought my first bread machine. Only 40 more minutes until experiment #1 is ready! In searching online for bread machines, I came across hundreds of books about bread machines.

What? OK, I thought I bought the machine so that I wouldn't have to know anything besides what to put in and which buttons to push. I am a little intimidated that there is so much extra information that hundreds of people have felt the need to WRITE BOOKS about it.

Luckily the machine comes with its own little book, and if I can produce something edible then I will be satisfied. However, if you have any advice or funny stories about adventures with bread machines, let me know. I know, Supermom, you can probably make a loaf of bread with a popsicle stick and a lighter, but maybe you know some unfortunate soul who has had to use a designated machine for baking bread. Ha, anyways, OK. Here is the song I made up for Elijah on the way to Wal-Mart:

Hi-ho, Hi-ho,
It's off to Wal-mart we go -
To buy a bread m'chine
In the sun,
And hopefully have some bready fun.
Hi-ho, Hi-ho!

from the mouth of babes

A wise, pre-pubescent girl informs a younger boy that being a kid is easier than being an adult:

"Grown-ups have to go to work and don't get to play and have to take care of stuff all the time. Kids just get to play, play, play. It's easier - really!"

Disgruntled 5 year old boy doesn't buy it:

"But kids have to clean their roooomms."

Seemingly wise girl offers a logical rebuttal:

"Not if they have a maid, they don't. Duh, poo-poo head."

Young boy continues to sulk, but accepts the "maid theory" as solution to the hardships of "kid-dom."

I decided to hold my tongue, to allow these kids to enjoy this distorted view of kids' hardships to parents' hardships ratio. I wanted to tell the boy, "If cleaning your room is all you have to complain about then I will gladly switch you places." But I decided to keep my mouth shut, given that cleaning my room was always a traumatic event: It was to the point that my dad would have to sit on my bed and tell me what to pick up next. I really just needed someone there to guide me so I wouldn't have to problem-solve on my own. Luckily, God sits on my bed all day long now, giving my dad a much needed break. I still don't like cleaning my room, though.

reality check

"Ok, God, will you show me something I need to see?"

(open randomly to Matthew 7:6-11)

"Don't be flip with the sacred. Banter and silliness give no honor to God. Don't reduce holy mysteries to slogans. In trying to be relevant, you're only being cute and inviting sacrilege."

Yikes.

"Don't bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This isn't a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we're in. If your child asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, you wouldn't think of such a thing. You're at least decent to your own children. So don't you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better?"

so who all is running for mayor?

Anyone can see that the brightest and best die,
wiped out right along with fools and dunces.
They leave all their prowess behind,
move into their new home, The Coffin,
The cemetary their permanent address.
And to think they had named counties after themselves!

We aren't immortal. We don't last long.
Like our dogs, we age and weaken. And die.

This is what happens to those who live for the moment,
who only look out for themselves:
Death herds them like sheep straight to hell;
they disappear down the gullet of the grave;
They waste away to nothing -
nothing left but a marker in a cemetary.
But me? God snatches me from the clutch of death.
He reaches down and grabs me.

So don't be impressed with those who get rich
and pile up fame and fortune.
They can't take it with them;
fame and fortune all get left behind.
Just when they think they've arrived
and folks praise them because they've made good,
They enter the family burial plot
where they'll never see sunshine again.

We aren't immortal. We don't last long.
Like our dogs, we age and weaken. And die.

Psalms 49:10-20, The Message.



Stumbled across this rather vivid commentary on those we may be intimidated by or inclined to follow "down here." Leave it to Eugene Peterson to be in your face, huh.

I get my haircut at a place Not listed in the shepherd's guide.

Just a friendly head's up -

I have become friend's with my "hair lady," Heidi. She's a lot like me, just 6 years down the line. She's a single mommy, 26-ish, with a 6 year old daughter, Bailey. We can talk forever and my hair just gets shorter and shorter. (Just you wait and see...!) She's been feeling as if God is nudging her to find her own church. Her parents are Baptist and Heidi has been attending her parent's home church off an on for awhile now. Sometimes it's easier to worship apart from your parents, whether good/bad or right/wrong, it's just the truth.

So she most likely will be coming to Rivendell this Sunday and I'm stoked - I really think she'll feel comfortable and will slih-deh right into the groove of our insanity.

She's great - the best.

e-banned

Well, I won the vintage doorknobs!

That's not without loosing 6 others bets, bids, same thing.
However, the e-mail with the subject line "You've Been Outbid by Another User!" is not a favorite. Talk about encouraging competition.

So I think I will take my prize and walk, Bob. I'm not a gamblin' gal.

Here's to a short affair with E-bay: you win some, you lose some.

Amazon.com, however, is still fair game...

One thing I love about Rivendell is the unrelenting relevance between Sunday's message and the 6 days previous. I think my friends feel the same way. That is so weird...

Wait, doesn't my pastor have a link to my blog?

Hmm...

Constitutional responsibilities; initiating legislation; lobbying - a passage of proposals; exercising veto power; bicameral system; senatorial courtesy...

And I'm supposed to write coherent sentences conveying not only that I understand what this junk means, but actually have an opinion about the procedures.

If anyone has an edition of "Politics for Dummies" on tape or in pill form, let me know.

"They're a good group of kids, it was fun to be around them, you know. Kind of gives you hope."

"We need some hope..."

"Hope for the future."

raise my eyes, Lord.
I am angry here on the ground:
swearing when I should be singing.

peace sleeps down here.
wake me up, Lord:
jealous when I should be joyful.

I think about myself, Lord.
my demands are not compromised:
conceited when I should be considerate.

shut my mouth, Lord.
maybe my thoughts are louder
than the Word I should be listening for.