It amazes me how hard it is for me to sit down and type a paragraph or two about what's going on in my life. I've fallen out of the "frequented blogs" group due to my extended absence. The summer semester is finished and I think I managed an A in both of my classes. Speech was a ton of fun as I was able to practice preparing and presenting a speech. The instructor I had is one I am very fond of and always makes class entertaining. I also got several chances to be the "meeting leader" in which I get to be bossy and run the show - one of my favorite things. I was born to delegate. I even love that word.
Some great news! Zach has landed a great management position and will be leaving for Colorado on the 7th for 8 weeks! I know it seems I should be a little sad he is leaving, and yes, I will miss him, but we are both excited to have a little breathing room as we have been in a precarious financial situation lately. I will only have two weeks to myself before school starts, but I am sure I will take full advantage of the free time! Hooray! Forgive me, but sometimes a 22-year-old with up to 3 kids at any given time craaavvess a little freedom.
On another note, I was the honored recipient of my first "You're not my mom," and "I HAATTEE YOUUUUUU!" Very rewarding, if I do say so myself. I kept my cool as there was several hours in between gifts. I explained to the younger, after several hours in her bedroom screaming and kicking (not because she said this stuff but for a general talking back attitude issue) that I am very well aware that I am not her mother because I would remember squeezing her out, but while she is in my home I assume the role of mother. I will be treated as just that. I explained she is in a two-parent household and I happen to be one of them. I told her I loved her very much but there are rules that must be followed. I told her that when she is not here I am very much the mommy, and it stays the same when she comes to stay.
I expect honesty.
I expect an answer when I ask a question.
I expect pride and confidence in her demeanor.
I expect respect.
I love her too much to allow her to become a mean girl.
It will not be tolerated.
She's 8, by the way. I don't think this is too young to begin some attitude control.
Am I being too tough? This step-parent thing is a horrible predicament that is impossible to understand unless you have been there. I must love her as my own, but should I discipline her as if she is my own? I say - hell yes. It's still my roof, I explained that this house is like my dolly. I want it to be taken care of because I love it very much.
I hate feeling like I am the "parent-in-training" when it comes to the girls. Zach does a wonderful job supporting my decisions in front of them, but behind closed doors there may be some questions if I am in the right or wrong. I hate being wrong. I also feel I've put in my time as a young child and it's MY turn to say "no....because I said so." Power trip? Maybe. Keeping control over my household. Yes. I will not become the underdog in the training camp of life.
Why do I get along so well with one and not the other. Why does one contstantly hug and kiss me and tell me she loves me and the other just rolls her eyes or cries, saying I am lying about what she has said or done.
WWWHHHYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sometimes I just want to destroy things. Loudly. My childhood anger has been rearing its ugly head lately. But I don't want to be that crazy lady whom you must stay away from unless you want 3rd degree burns from the explosion. "Just nobody talk to me for a few minutes."
Lord Help me hold my tongue and not hate, yes HATE, this battle. We always make up and have the same conversation but days later I still get 'tude. But I will stand firm and will not back down. Someone must be the rock in this female dominant home. ME ME ME I AM THE QUEEN. BOW DOWN DAMNIT. That's what my insides scream but my mouth says, "It's OK, just remember what we've talked about.
Any advice. Please.
Better yet, I had my first country dancing outing in OKC last weekend. We went for Zach's nephew's birthday. His sister took me to get a new outfit to wear out the Grahm's Country Dance Hall or something like that. 10 shots of tequila later, I was a two-stepping fool. I was not born with the dancing gene but with the help of Jose and some other gentlemen whom I barely remember, I danced my heart out. I even tried line dancing with Zach's sister. How the heck does everyone know what to do at the same time?? I am sure I looked ridiculous, but that didn't stop 3 or 4 men from asking me to dance. What a blast! One, Two, Step. One, Two, Step. JesPrincess - it's on. I can't wait to get back out on that hardwood floor.
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5 comments:
So glad to hear from you in the blogging world again, girl! I completely sympathize with you in the step-mothering dilemma/predicament/thing. I can reassure you that it's a good thing that Zach backs you up in front of the girls and addresses things to you personally when they're not around. I know with our family, when Jerry's around, what he says goes, regardless of what I think. We'll talk in our bedroom before going to sleep about things and we can work out a lot of things without too much fighting or disagreement in front of the kids, which makes Jamie so very uncomfortable anyway. But, when he's not around, we both agree that the say is mine. This will make for interesting days when I'm finally home all the time. We've laid some ground rules, so that is sure to help. Jamie knows what to expect, at least sort of. It's completely different when it's actually happening.
You can't expect to do it perfectly all the time, just like with your own. I'm sure you are doing all that you know to do and that God is challenging you to think and act differently everyday. It seems with my new family, I learn something new everyday.
Take it easy girl and try not to be too hard on yourself. Hope to see you soon!
There you are :-)
Why, oh why, could I not be there to see you downing tequila and two-stepping?! I ALWAYS miss the fun. At least I have the mental image, and that alone is enough to make me chuckle.
Advice? I got nothin'. Sounds like you're doing the right thing to me. You are a rock, girl. You have amazing strength. I am facing negative attitudes with my boy, and it does wear on a person. Let's hope they grow out of it????
On another note, is control the main objective? Control is something I like, but have had to let go in many areas. And in others I need to get it back ;-) But when it comes to my kids, I have to remember they are people. My job is not so much to control, but to direct and teach. It's a fine line that seems to overlap at times. And I by no means have it perfected, but strive to find it every day.
Like I know it all.
That's my two cents :-)
Great to hear from you again! I miss you, hope to see you soon. Janiners and supermom both said some really great things, and based on what I read I think you're doing great. You're walking a path I haven't walked, but if I do I hope to do it as well as you.
damn good job girl. you were right to defend your territory snd it is better to win this battle now rather than fight a more painful one later....... well done!
.............hubby of supermom
Hey there, girlie!! I am so excited to hear what's been going on in your life. I'm glad you're going to get a few weeks of freedom! :) As far as the parenting thing, it seems like you are doing good. It's hard to not get furious yourself sometimes when they get the "tude". It sounds like you and Zach have worked out a good system.
But, as far as advice, I would say the best book I've read to ready me for a tween-ager was Childwise. She's still going to probably have issues with you just because you're not Mom. But in my opinion, you're doing good.
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